Monday, April 30, 2012

On Creating my Own Suffering,

Lately I have been trying to become a better Buddhist. While I do not adhere to the strict doctrines of any sect of Buddhism I find a lot of valuable information by learning about each. Namely suffering. I do a darn good job of creating my own suffering, I really do. To not be doing, or driving, being idle creates much suffering in me. I have wanderlust in the worst way.

I owe people money, not a lot, but enough to the point where I am  broke. Especially now over extending myself with the new van. It is not the lack of money that bothers me. Money is a tool, an object of this plane of existence. In the end, it goes away, just like everything material. What bothers me and is a point of contention is idleness.

I do not know why I always must be doing, moving. I am restless. This is a fact and I do not know why it must always be. Quiet meditation is a good method for observing and neutralizing suffering, but here in the crowded East finding a quiet mountain campsite, or a quiet desert plot to reflect is tough. To seek such a place would be difficult here in the East, though I am positive they exist, it's where my lack of funds yet again come into play as locating them would be rough on finances.

I must do the best I can to get East, rest, recuperate, find a quiet place to replant my roots while I wait for mom, and then head West to the emptiness with mom where my mind can free itself and I can begin to understand and repair my wanderlust.

Until next time,

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